~or~

This Vampire still likes me even though I don’t have a period

Let Me Start Out by Saying: The Dracula dildo wasn’t something special to me, sure it’s  a vampire dick, which makes it ultra-cool; and sure, the dildo is bright-fucking-red, a color that is not found very often but for a good reason: it made it look like I bled all over the motherfucking dildo. On the plus side, I suppose it may make the look of menstrual blood less intense. However, I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t super-fucking-love it. I’m ambivalent toward this dildo.

I reviewed the Zombie dildo that was also by Fleshlight, from their Freaks line, and fucking loved that thing. Part of the appeal to that toy was the turn on I got from fucking my favorite mythical creature (alien, here I cum!) and was actually turned on by the idea of fucking a zombie, but Dracula wasn’t my favorite, nor did it turn me on just by looking at it. Quite frankly, though, I want to stress that unless it’s the Poo dildo by Cara Sutra, appearance won’t matter—too much, that is. While I can’t stand realistic dildos, I’ll still review them for those of you who like them; I’m writing for you, after all, and I want to meet your needs. Fortunately, the Dracula dick only slightly resembled the real thang, which made it much more appealing to me.

Let’s Get Physical: As far as appearance goes: ew, for the balls. They have the look of a freshly-shaved ball sack that I remember being quite realistic, with a massive *grimace * on my face.

The Dracula dick was make-believe enough so that I wasn’t appalled by the look of the dildo that I often feel when I look at a realistic dick. I mean, come on, peeps, I’m not trying to fuck a replacement dick, I’m trying to fuck my own, personal dick assistant. Fortunately, it was fantasy-like enough so that I didn’t have a huge problem with the appearance.  As far as appearance goes (yet again: ew, for the balls. They have the look of a freshly-shaved ball sack that I remember with a massive *grimace * on my face, from those unfortunate days when I fucked men because I thought I had to.

Appearances aside, this dildo is quite all right!

The Good: While this wasn’t marketed as a g-spotting dildo, it did hit all the right spots, on both sides, which surprised me. It wasn’t an intense sensation that turbo-charged me, but it was enough so that I noticed and appreciated it. I believe the reason for the extra stimulation—that other dildos don’t deliver—was because of the sheer size of the Dracula dick.

While the head only slightly stimulated my g-spot, but didn’t WOW me, instead the size hit my a-spot. Yeah, the p-spot, the one that AERIES ROOM discovered and the spot I realized I’d had. For years when I had hetero sex I demanded hard, long thrusting and that didn’t change when I began fucking primarily sex toys. Now I know why that is, and I present to you the dildo that hit my p-spot: Dracula.

One of the best things about Dracula was the texture: oh, so much texture. While I could feel it all, I wasn’t able to distinguish the bat-like features that decorated the shaft from the rest of the dildo but that didn’t detract from the experience.

The Dracula dick was mythical enough so that I wasn’t appalled by the look of the dildo that I often feel when I look at a realistic dick. I mean, come on, peeps, I’m not trying to fuck a replacement dick, I’m trying to fuck my own, personal dick assistant.

The fucking awesome thing about this toy is that the balls make this toy anal safe and harness compatible. Everyone of every sex and gender can fuck–or fuck with–this toy.

The Bad: Quite frankly, the only thing I can think of that I didn’t love was the firmness of the silicone. It made the toy slightly uncomfortable to insert. While I didn’t do this, I’d suggest warming up with a smaller dildo first and working your way up. What I’ve noticed is that the firmer the silicone, the larger the toy feels and the more prone it is to make me uncomfortable with first insertion. (Think: Bad Dragon toys, that can be created with various stages of firmness/softness.)

Care and Keeping: Dude. So easy. Because it’s pure silicone all you have to do is wash it with antibacterial soap and water or, if you feel better sanitizing it completely, you can boil it for about 3 minutes or throw it in the dishwasher for a cycle (while you’re at it, to save water, go ahead and give it some other dildos to keep it company!).

Would I recommend it to you? Sure! It’s not a plain ol’ dildo, there’s a fair amount of texture on the Dracula dick that you can feel, I just wasn’t able to discern each wave of texture. This is a toy for peeps that like  firm silicone and a good, hard fuck. Oh, and vampires, too. I must warn you, this is not a vampire dick that sparkles 😉

Fleshlight, it was my absolute pleasure. Keep them cummin’ and those of you that want to take a gander at fucking a vampire, click on their banner below for a taste of the dark side.