Sex Toy Review–Bad Dragon Dildo: Crackers

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My First Dragon Dick!DSC00817Colorful divider

Never before have I experience a cock as large as Crackers’ the Bad Dragon dildo. When I was corresponding with the Bad Dragon rep he advised me to go with a “small” rather than a “mini” Dragon because my body can learn to accommodate the small where I may outgrow the mini. That is the last time I listen to a man tell me what my vagina can take.

Fortunately, I was dumb smart enough to try Crackers again after using the Rhino on my Flora. Hardly felt a thing at first from Crackers; anything was better than what I just put my vag through. But when I finally was able to tighten around Crackers I felt a tingle go up my spine. Well, it started elsewhere, eventually moving to the spine. What a glorious thing this Crackers the Cockatrice is. Modeled after a real-life dragon (see what I did there?), Crackers le small comes at a 5.5″ inches long that are usable, 7″ if you count the large base.  This toy dominates all other dildo’s that I’ve shoved in me. While the head is a 1.7″, it extends to become 2″ around the middle.  To those with untrained vagina’s, allow me to tell you that this shit hurt. It was sneaky about it, too. When I first inserted the Cracker I thought, “Well, this isn’t too ba–oh my GOD!” That’s about how it went down.

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Crackers wasn’t all pain. It took a few minutes to acclimate to the largest toyI’ve ever tried putting in my body, having decided to just sit on the fucking thing. But it was so, so worth it. I was able to feel the curve pointing toward my g-spot and as I bounced up and down I could feel the lip of the head of the dragon dick. To my surprise I couldn’t actually feel the bumps near the base of my dragon dick. Oddly enough, I wasn’t aware of much g-spot stimulation, the size of the toy took over all other feels.

I went over to my former partners house so he and his girlfriend could shoot me naked for the Lovehoney lingerie review. When I got there I slammed the base of my dick against the wall in front of his face and yelled, “TAKE MY DRAGON DICK, BITCH.” And you know what? It stayed. Bad Dragon gave me the option of having a suction base and I went for it. True to the idea of–you know–a suction base, this dick actually stuck to the wall. I was able to back my ass up into it and thrust to and forth without it falling off or shifting, except for the movement the medium-firmness offered.

(One of) the wonderful things about Bad Dragon is the level to which they allow you to customize your order. When the rep asked me what colors I wanted I told him my favorites and I was surprised with a dragon dick that had all my favorites in it. You can choose the size: mini to extra large; firmness: soft to firm with the additional option of a firm base/soft shaft or a medium shaft/firm base. I chose Crackers small, medium firmness all around. There’s also the option of a “cumtube” (Bad Dragon also supplies the cum), something I opted against. For an additional $10 you can add a suction base, which is well worth it, considering how effective it is against a smooth(ish) surface.
Bad Dragon’s dragon dicks are all made of silicone, making all the toys completely body-safe. As soon as I find out what the dragon “cum” is made out of I will update this review. Because their toys are highly customizable, I cannot comment on specific prices. I will tell you this, though, as the price goes up with the more features you add like suction cups or custom colors, it is well worth the higher price. Customize it. I promise you’ll love it.

Bad Dragon, it was my pleasure 😉

Go visit their site to see what else they offer.

21 thoughts on “Sex Toy Review–Bad Dragon Dildo: Crackers

  1. I’m a size queen [my vag is VERY well-trained…] and I’ve recently ordered a large Apollo, which mimics Crackers a little in shape. They indeed have minis precisely because some of their toys are SO FLIPPIN’ HUGE… 😀
    Also, I can tell you the cumlube ingredients!!
    Water: aqua, herp derp
    Polyethylene Oxide: a medical-grade material that has a number of uses, ranging from medicine bases to nerve repair!!
    Titanium Dioxide: a harmless, inert, food-grade power used to turn the lube white [not present in the clear lube]
    Potassium Sorbate: a food-grade preservative, non-toxic to humans in the amount it’s typically used in [there are conflicting studies on how it affects humans in vitro]
    Citric Acid: pH-adjusted to prevent burning, a natural preservative found in citrus fruits!

    • That’s so exciting! And super-duper thank you for telling me the ingredients. Do you mind if I copy and paste what you said in this comment in my blog post?

  2. In terms of reality, that Crackers looks like the PERFECT size. But there’s something so alluring about those mythically-large sizes… even the flippin’ medium! That said it’s all in how well it tapers, and the head on this guy looks like he could do the trick at damn near any size… you may have made a sale! Or at least a consideration for that giveaway 🙂

    Looking forward to Nox!

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