I made a calendar for my reviews. Not like a “oh, you should post this review this week,” but a “Tonight you’re going to jack off with THIS and THIS and save THIS ONE for the next day but then repeat the first two THIS’ and then write the review of THIS as you jerk off to THIS.”

Go ahead and look at my previous reviews for the past month and you’ll see what an epic fail this calendar was. It was great in theory. I did plan it out well, but my mind was bigger than my libido and I just couldn’t keep up. In fact, I totally failed on the first night. I talk about my libido a lot, how it’s nonexistent; I talk about it for a good reason: it’s hard to be a sex toy reviewer and have no interest in sex.

You should know that there are companies relying on me to give them a regular review, to use their products and give back what I promised. It’s not that I’m lazy, that I don’t want to write. I love writing. English major here, next to reading, writing is my favorite thing to do. I love writing the review and keeping my site looking nice. It’s just hard to have a schedule when my body just doesn’t give a flying fuck about it.

I could sit here and complain endlessly, but that’s not why I’m writing this article. I’m writing this to give everyone–companies, manufacturers, toy relators and, most importantly, my readers–a reason why I don’t regularly dish out reviews like I want to.

I love what I do, I love having new things to fuck weekly, especially considering the fact that I’m single.  I have no intention of getting out in the dating world, not while I have no sex drive. I would have no problem pleasuring her endlessly, using my toys and my body on hers, but I’m concerned that I wouldn’t be able to do it as often as she needs.

I’m actually comforted by the fact that I have so many toys. When I do get out there and date, I hope that my toys can bring her and I pleasure, without having to work myself up and be disappointed. It can be all about her and how I can use my toys as part of my sexuality. While I can still come, I just don’t have a desire to do so, definitely not regularly. My hope is that the toys become an extension of myself, something fun for the two of us to do even if we aren’t fucking each other at that moment.

I worry that I’m pushing myself too far, that I shouldn’t even bother masturbating, but I grew up knowing that it’s good for me and it’s a healthy thing to do–my mother is awesome and my bookcases are stuffed with Sex+ books of all nature. And that’s true, it is healthy and important; I just don’t enjoy it like other people do.

I do find comfort in my blog. I get to write and take pictures; I get to Tweet out old posts and run giveaways; I get to interact with my readers and build professional relationships with businesses, something that is a great thing for me to do. I also get to polish my grammar (which is uber shitty, like, all the fucking time) by reviewing old posts and I recently made a video of me using my Stronic Zwei, something that I’m thinking I may do more of. It certainly made me re-love my pubic hair and said what words couldn’t.

I’ve also formed relationships with other bloggers and some readers that bring a big, goofy smile to my face. Although I’ll probably never meet them, online is still very real to me. Beck, for instance, has been helping me with my blog, doing things for me that I don’t have the knowledge to do it myself. My blog brings me pleasure in so, so many ways, even if it’s not always sexual.

So, to my readers: I do the best I can with the body I was given. I hope I can help you find pleasure through my blogging, even if I’m not able to go at it as often as I’d like. And, to the companies with whom I work, I hope my reviews, when they finally get published, make giving me that toy worth it.