You have noticed before that I’m a practicing witch. I work with sex magic, earth magic, herbal magick, crystal magick, and fire magick, to name a few. So, when I saw an opportunity to put crystals in my body, I was shaken. I knew I had to give crystal yoni eggs a try. I chose quartz because it’s non-porous and body-safe (there’s a reason quartz is used on kitchen countertops). Well, body-safe as long as you can keep them, and all their crevices, clean. More on that later.

I Opted for Quartz Yoni Eggs

I’d heard years ago that yoni eggs were “a thing” but had never reached out to try them. I finally took that opportunity when I started dating my wife – and she was paying for all the fun things. When she passed me her credit card, I knew what I was going to get. I logged onto Etsy and perused crystals dicks and yoni eggs, and I settled on a kit: 3 rose quartz & 3 amethyst yoni eggs and small rose quartz and amethyst crystal wands. I was so excited, and my wife was excited to see me excited. At the time, my wife and I hadn’t yet said, “I love you,” and since I was in the process of looking for love, I was drawn to rose quartz.

I opted for the yoni eggs that had drilled holes and a cloth string to remove the egg. I knew they wouldn’t get stuck in my vagina, and no, they cannot migrate anywhere in ones’ vagina, but I was still a teensy bit hesitant. Ease of use was important to me, so I figured I might as well get them drilled.

Where Are My Yoni Eggs?

I could not wait for the yoni eggs and wands to arrive. I had all sorts of rituals in mind for the rose quartz (a make-out session with my wife with the cleansed rose quartz yoni egg inside of me), in-house yoga sessions, and just wandering all around with them in me.

As soon as the eggs and mini wand arrived, I tore into the packaging and finally held them in my hands. I was so excited to be working magick within my vagina. Really, down to the core of myself. 

Time to Squat

After I washed them off with soap and water, I cleaned them with smoke to rid all energy attached to them. It was important to me to start fresh. As soon as the stones were ready, and I’d rinsed them again, I slopped some lube on the top of the egg and squatted down on the floor. Squatting like I’m trying to take a shit is the best position for me to insert the eggs, and they went in quickly and easily. 

Then, I stood and waited. I wiggled my hips and jumped up and down; I even skipped, and the yoni eggs held firm. In fact, I spread my legs apart and coughed like the urologist has had me do and… nothing. Nothing came out of my vagina, and I was thrilled. I wore it for hours and then took it out. 

In the past, I slept with a sex toy in my vagina, and holy crap, did that turn ugly! Did I learn from that? I sure did! I did not sleep with them in, but the first thing I did in the morning was rinsing them off, slop on some more lube, and I wore them all day. By the third day or so, however, things got…. (cottage) cheesy.  

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Here’s Why My Body Got Upset

I did not clean the yoni eggs carefully, and I kept the string in them during and after use. That was a BIG mistake. I quickly developed a yeast infection which I didn’t expect (for some odd reason). Itching my crotch the whole way, I raced to the doctors to get some relief. 

Stick It in Me!

I can honestly tell you I’ve never been so happy to have a speculum in my vagina. I started the Z-pack, and within a few days, I was better. 

Before I got the yeast infection, I had a great time. Knowing that a healing crystal was inside of me was a great feeling – until it wasn’t. An itchy and burning crotch wasn’t worth the feel-good spiritual experience I was getting from wearing them inside of me. 

Moral of the story: clean crystal yoni eggs carefully, don’t get ones with strings, and maybe just…. Please don’t use them. There are minuscule cracks/divots around the gemstone that are too small for the eye to see. If you don’t wash the quartz stones carefully and in every nook and cranny, a yeast infection may very well happen.

The Alternative Options

If you want to tone your PC muscles, which can help with things as vast as having stronger orgasms and holding your pee easier – get some real kegel exercises. I just found it too risky to rely on stone, even if quartz is non-porous. The Bloom is a better option; I like the kGoal (review here) and Lelo Luna Beads (review here).

This post is not sponsored, but I want you to buy anything other than crystal yoni eggs. Affiliate purchases help support my blog.

Buy it at Bettys: kGoal | Lelo Luna Beads

Buy it at Lovehoney: Luna Beads | Bloom

Buy it at Peepshow Toys: kGoal | Luna Beads | Bloom

Buy it at Shevibe: kGoal | Luna Beads | Bloom