In With the New

If you’ve been following my Twitter (and if you haven’t – WHY?) then you’ve seen that I will often have sizable batches of toys to review. Because I have so many, and yes, that’s intentional, I use multiple toys at once.

Some toys I’ve had for a long-ass time but even more are new and I go through them at an impressive rate. And that’s because I have a review process down that works for me.

Now, you’ll remember that I went through a sexual trauma a few years ago that severely impacted the way I’m able to review but today I’m going to focus on what it looks like.

I should address the packaging

Something I fucking love to do is take the toy in the packaging and just have a look. I read about the toy, I look at all the features to get a sense of what I can expect. In that sense, I do have a bit of a ritual for my sex toys.

I take the toy out with care and after I ooh and aah over the extras in the packaging (cords, maybe a case…) I hold the toy in my hand and just look. I look at the toys and feel the silicone. I turn it around and around and, I kid you not, I often see how far I can deepthroat it. Because I’m weird like that.

Then, I turn the toy on and take notes on my first impression. Is it buzzy? If so, do I think I would even like that toy (sometimes I get a nice surprise!)? After I play with the toy it’s time to take it for a literal ride.

In Which She Sticks Things in Her Vagina

I have a process but nothing fancy happens. After I pick 1-7 toys that need to be reviewed and some lube, I pull out the notebook by my bed. I have a legal notepad that I can quickly flip through as I go.

I don’t have music going, I don’t always have porn up and, most surprisingly I don’t alway come. Because of the sexual assault, sometimes I get stuck in my head when I want to be with my body. So, when I review toys I try to focus on the physical feelings I get from the toy.

Then the toys go in me. I play around with the buttons, different ways of holding the toy (some of us have wrist problems) I try to think of what body types would go with the toy, what it may not be able to accommodate.

I find out if the vibrations travel to my hand and risk the numbing sensation that’s so easy to have and how easy it is to control the toy while it’s between my legs.

I go through each toy and pay attention to everything I possibly can. A lot of the time I don’t come, and I’m okay with that. Sometimes, for my mental health, I don’t want to come. But I get enough use of the toy and collect enough notes that I can write a quality review.

In the past six years of reviewing I’ve perfected this situation. I know what gets me where and I can control when and where I want to come. That alone is a powerful feeling.