Y’all, if you follow me on Twitter or Instagram you’ve seen me and my turtles. My turtles all mean the world to me. I’ve had one of them for 21 years, got him when I was NINE, and another for 19 years who I got when I was 11. I am almost 31 years old. That’s how long she’s been one of my closest friends.

Having a BFF for 19 years is no joke. It’s a lifelong commitment with turtles and I always thought my turtles would outlive me.

Bastet, my precious girl, is biting herself again. She does this every few years – the doctors call it “self-mutilation.” That’s a horrible thought but that’s what she does. She bites chunks of flesh off of her arm then we fight for her life.

But how much is too much? How much should I be putting her through each time she does this. It’s been a whole year since she last did it and the thought of all the medical shit she’s going to have to go through hurts me. She’s had surgery, she’s had daily injections, and she’s had a lot of pain. She had an OK quality of life back then but knowing how much pain she was in made me wish I’d helped her sleep.

I think I’m ok money-wise, but if you want to tip me on Ko-Fi that’d be much appreciated. I don’t know what her bills will look like this time around. They were insane last time but I’m willing to go into debt again for her.

All my money is going to go into keeping my girl safe and well. If I cannot keep her safe, and it’s her time to finally rest, I’m ready to let her go. I’ve called a taxidermist ahead of time because I need to know it’s all taken care of. I’m going to preserve her shell and put it on my altar to honor the long life we’ve had together. That’s a weird thing to do, but it made me feel better.

Baby girl, I love you so much. You have a huge piece of my heart and that’s never going to change. We’re going to get through this. You may lie down for the last time. That may be how this plays out, but you’ll be resting with me. I’ll be holding you until your last breath.

I need to do what’s best for her. We will be talking to the vet tomorrow about our options but I hurt so bad right now.