Since I was 17, I’ve practiced witchcraft. I was drawn into the New Age thinking early on, after escaping Christianity by the skin of my teeth with my mother and sister. The idea that I had more control over my environment and destiny was incredibly empowering.

Trigger warning this paragraph: Sexual assault

I’ve suffered from Bipolar I or Schizoaffective Disorder with Bipolar Type since I was a child (there’s debate about whether the psychosis was more baseline -schizoaffective – or bipolar with a garnishing of psychosis is the issue). I need all the control I can get. My childhood was full of traumatic events beyond my control (that also forced me to take down my blog), and practicing witchcraft has been priceless for my mental health. 

Witchcraft and sex magick allows me to have more control over my body, mind, and environment, and I embrace it. I perform daily rituals that I have done for the last 13 years and new ones when they pop up. I work with herbs, crystals, smoke, candles, books, divination, etc. I’ve also begun incorporating sex magick with my masturbation with partnered sex in the past few years.

I’d heard about sex magick years ago, and in practice, I’ve done it, but I hadn’t made it part of my practice until somewhat recently. I keep it raw, and I usually use it without my wife. To me, masturbation is something special and sacred, and I like to celebrate it. However, I don’t often treat it as a ritual, and I don’t usually think of it as sacred. Most of the time, when I masturbate, it’s quick and to the point. Since I review sex toys, I focus on the toy a lot of the time. 

That doesn’t make it less memorable or the sex magick any less powerful. Focusing on the toy and my body is an excellent grounding exercise. Because of my history of sexual trauma, I would often have flashbacks both alone and with my wife. Focusing on the sex toy I was using kept me out of my head and in the present. 

Sometimes I make a show of it. I steep herbs and salt in my bath, light candles, dress them with oils, turn off the lights and soak in the calm. I focus on my intention and visualize what I want to manifest. Most often, when I come, I don’t think of my goal to manifest. I keep it in my mind leading up to the orgasm, but then, all thoughts fly out of my mind when I come. Thoughts cease to exist, and I am just me to my core. When I’m so raw and exposed, I’m at my most vulnerable and my most powerful.