Introducing Sex Toys into Intimate Partner Play

I realize now that I sprung my sex toys on this partner too quickly, although what I learned is that this was a “him” problem. Man, men, especially these men I dated when we were both younger, don’t understand the need for toys to aid pleasure for some of us. As an adult, I haven’t had issues with men and toys. 

All my partners have encouraged me to use sex toys both privately and together ever since then. Even when the toy was more significant than them, their eyes went wide, and I could see their minds go wild when they saw it stretch me open. The e older men knew that intimacy could involve toys without it, meaning they weren’t enough. 

Brief overview of the increasing popularity and acceptance of sex toys

I’ve been blogging about sex toys for over a decade now, and toys have changed. There are many more sex toys in all different shapes, sizes, and functions. Sex toys have enhanced sex lives, both solo and together, and they are well worth their popularity. 

They have been used for thousands of years (the Egyptians left some cool ones behind), but they’ve changed. Now we have touch-sensitive technology, air-pulse toys, toys that bend, toys that vibrate and oscillate, and toys that stretch the vagina and anus to the max. 

Every year that I’ve blogged, sex toys have increased in popularity, design, function, and creativity. Now, cam girls have countless accessories to aid their craft, some of which can be controlled by someone halfway around the world at any time. App-compatible sex toys have changed the game and have strengthened the sex lives of those in long-distance relationships.

But still, some men have issues with their AFAB partners using sex toys with them or without them to achieve sexual pleasure and climax. Don’t forget to add lube to the mix!

Diversity in types of sex toys and their purposes

Penises are great if you’re into them, but they can’t do everything a person needs to reach climax. I’ve been able to achieve climax ONCE with the aid of a dildo whose balls bounced against my clit with every thrust. 

The female body, and those who were AFAB and may no longer identify as a “woman,” is incredible. The clit is designed solely for pleasure; no AMAB can claim any part of their body as such. However, some of us need a little help to come. 

There are sex toys for every inch of the body and sex toys for every sexual stimulation you can imagine. 

G-Spot

Many, many toys are designed with a slight or more dramatic curve, intended to hit the g-spot, a pleasure center in the vagina. Known as the urethral sponge – located in the first part of the vagina, the g-spot swells with arousal, and stimulating it can result in female ejaculation. That’s a fucking trip.

Lesser known is the fact that the g-spot can be stimulated from the anus as well, with a suitable toy or two. G-spot stimulation is a pleasure like no other, and it’s one of my favorite areas to be stipulated. I’ve reviewed countless G-spot toys. When I have the option to pick one toy over the other, you better believe it can also stimulate my G-spot.

Often, the g-spot can be stimulated simply with a girthy dildo.

A-Spot

The Anterior Fornix is an overlooked area in the vagina. As a new reviewer a decade ago, I quickly learned that the pleasure I felt being pounded by a greater-than-average dick was my a-spot being stimulated. Ver little was known about it until recently, and I diligently researched that stimulation until I found the answer.

A-spot stimulation results when the anterior fornix has a good ol’ pounding from a long dildo or sex toy. It’s located behind the cervix, and some above-average dicks can reach it. I found it so pleasurable that when I fucked, I would take my fingers and toys off my clit, demand that they fuck me till it hurt, and I’d focus solely on that pleasure.

There isn’t a specific curve, unlike the g-spot, to stimulate the A-spot. Any long toy should do the trick. One thing I appreciate about long dildos is that they don’t have to be girthy to hit the spot. I know I’ve reached my a-spot when I’m so overwhelmed with pleasure and the pounding that I almost feel like I’m going to be sick. 

Anal toys

Anal stimulation is still considered a bit taboo. However, everyone has an ass; not all of us like things in it. For those of us that do, anal plugs can be inserted and used during vaginal sex to give the body a “fuller” feeling; and it makes the vagina feel tighter. 

Many people get pleasure from giant anal sex toys. Whi e that’s not something I experience firsthand; my hats off to those of us that can take a dildo so big that my asshole hurts just thinking about it. 

Anal beads

Anal beads are another option, which is my favorite thing to have in my ass. Ana beads of all sizes are stuffed in the anus, and typically, the strand is pulled out when the wearer reaches climax. Com ine that with a partner fucking your vagina, mouth, or sucking on your genitals, the sensation can be mind-blowing. 

Then, the weird shit

Then there are the funky toys like electrostimulation. My MAB ex-wife and I played with electrostim toys, toys that shock your innards and outers. Air pulse toys have spiked in popularity and are known as “suction toys.” Typically used by those with clitorises, the air-pulse toys can work on many parts of the body, like the nipples. 

Establishing open and honest communication about desires, boundaries, and sex toys with a partner

My male partner and I could have done with some discussion before I brought out the sex toy, although, at the time, I didn’t even consider that he would have a problem with it because it was a toy I intended to use on myself. Sex toys with a partner didn’t seem odd to me.

Now, however, if I had a male partner say the same to me again, I wouldn’t fuck them. If my sex toy isn’t going to affect them, and my possibility of reaching climax depends on the toy, I would not settle for less than what I need. However, I wouldn’t force that on him. I’d leave.

Boundaries Are Important

That being said, boundaries and expectations during sex are essential and should be respected. I did not allow that boyfriend to take my toys away from me. He did not allow them because it threatened his feelings as a man. That’s now a major red flag for me. But if your partner isn’t comfortable with it, they can leave, or, even better, you can leave them. Bec use I need a vibrator against my clit to come; I can choose not to have sex with someone who doesn’t want me to use it. 

Consent is essential when in a sexual setting. A friend of mine has a spreadsheet that shows what they like, what they’ll consider, and what they won’t do. That’s fucking genius, and I’ll be doing the same. 

Importance of discussing preferences and comfort levels with partners

I now discuss sex ahead of time, something I didn’t do with that boyfriend. I let these men know that I need a vibrator to cum, and that I’d like to wear an anal plug while they fuck me. Similarly, male partners can also tell me what toys or moves they need to come. I’m bringing for most things if it doesn’t offend me ethically.

Sex is, to many, an intimate act, and no one, not the men I fuck or myself, should ever be uncomfortable during play. I plan out the toys I want to use, let them play with them, and get to know them so they understand that this is a toy and nothing else. It’s like a pair of earrings that match your day’s shirt – it’s an accessory and nothing more while I’m intimate with a partner. 

I can respect their discomfort but feel stressed that I cannot come with that toy. Whether or not we want to fuck after discussing our comfort with sex toys is up to them. 

Breaking the Ice: Initiating Conversations about Sex Toys with a Partners

As a reviewer, I have an advantage. I tell my partners that I use toys and take them on a tour of my sex toy closet. They can feel my toys, turn them on, and ask questions. Hel, I’ll even let them choose which toy we will use. Giving them that decision can be incredibly hot, especially if they surprise me.

We’ll stop and talk about the toys that I use. If they have questions, I answer. I can explain how and when we may use a particular toy during a specific act so they are not surprised or threatened.

Personal Experience using sex toys with partners

Sex toys are increasing in popularity and creativity. I’ve been blogging about sex toys for over a decade now, and toys have changed. There are many MORE in different shapes, sizes, and functions. Sex toys have enhanced sex lives, both solo and together, and they are well worth their popularity. 

I have dated a lot of men in my time here on Earth, more so than women, and something that never ceases to amaze me is their view on sex toys. Man men view sex toys as a threat to their masculinity and their intimate relationship with their AFAB partners. 

As a young woman, I’d played around with sex toys: good and evil, healthy and not, harmful and otherwise. However, without knowing as much as I do now about body-safe toys, I found an ABS plastic g-spotting vibrator on a rather unsavory site, and I’d given it a go. Holy hell, am I glad I bought that! It isn’t very aesthetically pleasing, though the pastel blue was a rare shade to find in a sex toy so many years ago.

I’ll never forget being in the car with my first serious boyfriend. We were trying to navigate our bodies on the seats and find a (more) comfortable position than the car would allow. (We resorted to playing in the car because we lacked home privacy.) I told him I had a surprise for him. 

When I pulled out the vibrator, he balked. He asked me why I’d need that when I had him. I explained to him that it’s nothing more than a toy with different functions that the body can’t always offer. To e, toys are a fantastic addition to penetrative sex. For instance, this toy was dramatically curved, offering the perfect shape to reach my g-spot and unleash the exquisite pleasure that came with g-spot stimulation. I wanted to share that with him.  

Sometimes, We Need Help to Come

Now, we AFAB individuals know how difficult it can be to achieve orgasm, though before I was put on an antidepressant, I’d had no trouble with that. Finers were adequate, but a dick certainly didn’t do it for me on its own. At the time, I’d discovered my anterior fornix and his dick was the perfect size for that. Although I was satisfied with penetration, I, like so many others, needed clitoral stimulation to cum. 

In the case of this g-spotting toy, there was no way his dick, or his poorly-trained fingers, could stimulate my g-spot like this. I was explaining that to him in the wrong words did nothing but make him more insecure than before. I had recently been put on Prozac, which made climaxing nearly impossible, and I knew a toy would help.

Our play session ended early and without the toy. Since then, all my male partners have accepted that toys are a part of my sex life, although when dating this boyfriend, I wasn’t yet a reviewer. Men seem to take my toys now that we’re older; they know I do this as a profession. 

Shop Together!

If you’re with a steady partner(s), shopping for the toy together can be erotic in itself. The partner may feel more comfortable with the toy when they pick it out and discuss how you want them to use it on you. Have fun picking it together; it can be just as exciting.

Conclusion

Open communication before navigating sex toy use with a partner is critical to a healthy and open relationship. Listening to your partners’ concerns is essential; together, you can work on those concerns. Ultimately, you have the right to leave if you are uncomfortable, as they are. 

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