Hey peeps,

You may have noticed that I took my site down. After a two-and-a-half month fling with my 53-year-old neighbor and my 26-year-old self I found out that I was experiencing sexual assault as I slept by the man I chose to trust.

“Why didn’t I wake up to the sexual assault?” was the question that was asked every time I told someone what happened to me. Here’s the deal: I’m on a shitton of psych meds that are incredibly sedating, something my neighbor knew . He also knew that I sleep walk and that I sleep so soundly nothing can wake me up.

This is a complicated matter, given that I have what I call a “hint of a memory.” I would wake up every morning and ask him if we fucked. He’d say yes, and that I enjoyed it. My response would be: I don’t remember that.

When he told me over text what he’d been doing to me when I couldn’t consent, and I started to panic, he said that although I was “in a deep sleep” I nevertheless “participated and enjoyed it.”

I reported him to the police the day he tried to force his way into my house, saying that he needed to discuss something very important with me, though I kept telling him to leave me alone. After a pre-text phone call, where he didn’t admit what he did was wrong, I asked the sex detective not to report this to the district attorney. He repeated over and over again that what he did was wrong, because he was cheating on his girlfriend with me. Then he dropped a bombshell: he was convinced he had goonorrhea  and that I gave it to him. Because he was a dr, he gave himself the treatment, but harassed me to find out if he needed to get his girlfriend tested since he never tested himself.

To protect myself, I went up against him and his lawyer with my mom by my side, and I won a no-contact restraining order.

Not only was I not blogging because of this mess, I was told that it was possible he would use this blog against me. So, I took it down.

I’ve been blogging for four years and it’s been one of the best things to happen to me, so taking my blog down hurt. Now that I have the RO I’m putting my site back up because I won’t let him take this from me, like he took my body and my dignity. I’m back but it may not be regularly.

He’s not going to win. I’m not going to press charges, but I’m not going to let him control my life.

It’s goods good to be back, peeps. I’ve amassed quite the collection of toys for review while I’ve been gone so while I neaten up my blargh, I’ll be posting reviews for yew all 🙂

Happy fucking <3


White streaks that look like cum

Nox the Night Drake You’ve seen me review Crackers and Scorn the Wyvern. After I posted these reviews Bad Dragon wanted to continue working with me. So the next toy they sent me was Nox. Holy. Fucking. Shit. That thing … Continue reading



I finally have the Tantus Feeldoe! Zomg you guys, I finally have the Tantus Feeldoe. I had my eye on the Tantus Feeldoe, a double dildo that I’ve been drooling over for years. I didn’t have a partner to use it … Continue reading



~or~ Prepare Your Vagina, Bi-Stronic Coming Through Allow me to begin… by telling you how freaking excited I was about the Bi-Stronic by Fun Factory. I’ve had wonderful experiences with the Stronic Zwei so I was bouncing up and down, … Continue reading

Sex Toy Reviewer Update


A lot has happened in the past two months or so, and pretty much none of it has to do with this blog. However, it’s my responsibility–as a sex blogger–to give you content to look at and look forward to. … Continue reading

Monday Recap and Le Future Week of OHB (*hint hint* Massive Giveaway)

As of late things have been pretty slow. However, I have plans to make my blog super-fucking-awesome. I have every intention of creating a massive giveaway in celebration of my 1+ years of blogging. Tantus, Good Vibrations, Bad Dragon and Lovehoney will all be sponsoring this giveaway; all of them are my favorite stores. I’m trying to get Stockroom in on the game, too. A little tidbit to get you excited: Bad Dragon is going to give away a toy of the winner’s own making, no restrictions! Lovehoney and GV will be giving away a toy that we agree upon on and Tantus will be giving away their new, Uncut #1 or #2. I’m super-duper excited about this, bro. I haven’t tried Tantus’ Uncut but I’ve heard wonderful things about it. I need you guys to give me some input about what you want from GV and Lovehoney; both of those are two retailers that I absolutely love and I want you to love them too.

Last week I published one review of my Dracula dick that Fleshlight was kind enough to send to me for review. It’s the second toy in the Freaks line that I have, the first being the Zombie dick–of which I still can’t fucking flip the image . Let’s all root for me to review the rest of the series, shall we? *HINT* *HINT* *POKE POKE*


I posted a massive pick of my vampire dick. No joke, I took that thang outside and took photos of it in public. Fortunately, no one saw, but a part of me wanted someone to see me doing it.  😉

The Dracula dick wasn’t the only thing I photographed in public, I also took out Tantus’ Purr dildo and the Rechargeable Magic Wand from Maxiwand.

Bummer, man, I got an awesome ((sarcasm)) yeast infection, the first I’ve ever had, from some antibiotics I was on. That made penetration incredibly unpleasant so I went quite a while between reviews. An indie artist, Darren,sent me a clay version of the Pure Wand, a toy I desperately want to try but haven’t yet had the pleasure of doing so. As soon as my vagina heals I’m shoving that thing in me and rocking it up and down against my g-spot. Darren’s toy looks magical, just…not very attractive magical. When I first started out, I wanted the prettiest toys, now I’ve realized that looks don’t mean shit, it’s the shape, material, and firmness (or not-so-firm) that makes a toy good or bad.


This week I’m going to review the last toy Tantus sent me, then hope that their next toys  they send me work better with my body. I’m going to attempt to do a meme or two and I’m going to take a shitton of Adderal and black tea so I can write like a mad woman. Unfortunately, I’m quite backed up with reviews right now and my yeast infection isn’t helping. Because of my anorgasmia flare-up I pretty much only have penetrative toys to review. Strick that, I only have dildo’s to review. Right now what I need are some vibes.


Good Vibes gave me an anal lube shooter that I’ll be reviewing for anal month (a month of celebrating le asshole, a month that GV created), and a handful of water based gel and liquid lube as well as silicone lube–something I can’t use with pretty much all of my anal-safe toys. So, the reviews won’t be happening quite so regularly 🙁 I have some notes stocked up but I prefer to use dildos more than vibes. This is contrary to what some reviewers say but I actually find it easier to review dildo’s rather than vibes.

Anywhoo, I’m going to get started on my blargh giveaway. I wish you all the best and happy fucking! I hope you’ve enjoyed OHB’s Monday recap.