TMI Tuesday: Was That It?

Have a nice picture before I begin with today’s TMI Tuesday:

@sexualhappiness supersex vibe I’m reviewing. Onherback.com ūü§ó

A photo posted by Rose (@on_her_back) on

1. Have you ever had bad sex? Why do you think it was bad?

It was bad because I just fucking laid there. It wasn’t that I was tired, I just wanted to have sex, wasn’t in the mood, and didn’t even try which, looking back, was quite unfortunate.
2. Have you ever given bad sex? Why did that happen?

See above, because I sucked. Or, rather, possibly because I¬†didn’t¬†suck.
3. What instantly puts you in a bad mood?

Asking to do things that they see in porn. i.e. coming on my face and¬†using¬†porn while we’re having sex to stay aroused.
4. Have you been hurt during a sexual activity? What was the activity? How were you hurt or injured?

Trying to shove butt plugs when le ass isn’t ready. I just get so frustrated and I want to stick it in me so I can write the fucking reviews that I just shove it in and then OW and then I can’t write a good review ūüôĀ
5. During sex, what instantly turns you off?

Someone asking to come on my face. Or, even worse, someone coming on my face without my permission. How about I pump some Bad Dragon Cum Lube in me and sit on your face, too?
6. Bad sex‚Äďis there really such a thing?

Oh fuck yeah, and I’ve given, and received, plenty of it.

If you’re ever in need of a sex toy¬†I‚Äôd love it if you‚Äôd consider purchasing your future toys from my¬†affiliates. At no extra cost to you, your purchase supports my blog! Go go go check them out. I wouldn‚Äôt list them if I didn‚Äôt like them.¬†

What Sex Toys Are to Cum

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I’ve been gone for quite a while now, which means I have many, many sex toys¬†that need to be reviewed. Tomorrow I’m back in the game and I have some awesome reviews to share with you. Here’s what’s going to … Continue reading

Monday Recap and Le Future Week of OHB (*hint hint* Massive Giveaway)

As of late things have been pretty slow. However, I have plans to make my blog super-fucking-awesome. I have every intention of creating a massive giveaway in celebration of my 1+ years of blogging.¬†Tantus, Good Vibrations, Bad Dragon and Lovehoney will all be sponsoring this giveaway; all of them are my favorite stores. I’m trying to get Stockroom in on the game, too. A little tidbit to get you excited: Bad Dragon is going to give away a toy of the winner’s own making, no restrictions! Lovehoney and GV will be giving away a toy that we agree upon on and Tantus will be giving away their new, Uncut #1 or #2. I’m super-duper excited about this, bro. I haven’t tried Tantus’ Uncut but I’ve heard wonderful things about it. I need you guys to give me some input about what you want from GV and Lovehoney; both of those are two retailers that I absolutely love and I want you to love them too.

Last week I published one review of¬†my Dracula dick that Fleshlight was kind enough to send to me for review. It’s the second toy in the Freaks line that I have, the first being the Zombie dick–of which I still can’t fucking flip the image¬†. Let’s all root for me to review the rest of the series, shall we? *HINT* *HINT* *POKE POKE*

 

I posted a massive pick of my vampire dick. No joke, I took that thang outside and took photos of it in public. Fortunately, no one saw, but a part of me wanted someone to see me doing it. ¬†ūüėČ

The Dracula dick wasn’t the only thing I photographed in public, I also took out Tantus’ Purr dildo and the Rechargeable Magic Wand from Maxiwand.

Bummer, man, I got an awesome ((sarcasm)) yeast infection, the first I’ve ever had, from some antibiotics I was on. That made penetration incredibly unpleasant so I went quite a while between reviews. An indie artist, Darren,sent me a clay version of the Pure Wand, a toy I desperately want to try but haven’t yet had the pleasure of doing so. As soon as my vagina heals I’m shoving that thing in me and rocking it up and down against my g-spot. Darren’s toy looks magical, just…not very attractive magical. When I first started out, I wanted the prettiest toys, now I’ve realized that looks don’t mean shit, it’s the shape, material, and firmness (or not-so-firm) that makes a toy good or bad.

 

This week¬†I’m going to review¬†the last toy Tantus sent me, then hope that their next toys ¬†they send me work better with my body. I’m going to attempt to do a meme or two and I’m going to take a shitton of Adderal and black tea so I can write like a mad woman. Unfortunately, I’m¬†quite backed up with reviews right now and my yeast infection isn’t helping. Because of my anorgasmia flare-up I pretty much only have penetrative toys to review. Strick that, I¬†only¬†have dildo’s to review. Right now what I need are some vibes.

 

Good Vibes gave me an anal lube shooter that I’ll be reviewing for anal month (a month of celebrating le asshole, a month that GV created), and a handful of water based gel and liquid lube as well as silicone lube–something I can’t use with pretty much all of my anal-safe toys. So, the reviews won’t be happening quite so regularly ūüôĀ I have some notes stocked up but I prefer to use dildos¬†more than vibes. This is contrary to what some reviewers say but I actually find it easier to review dildo’s rather than vibes.

Anywhoo, I’m going to get started on my blargh giveaway. I wish you all the best and happy fucking! I hope you’ve enjoyed OHB’s Monday recap.

 

Divine Interventions, or, A Cautionary Tail

So, a few weeks ago I contacted Divine Interventions to request a review copy of one of their toy, either the Jackhammer Jesus or God’s Immaculate Rod to use in my upcoming “Unusual Sex Toys” series. The owner was kind enough to send me one of each of those toys. Here’s where things start to go downhill: the smell. Both Jesus and God has this really strange, unpleasant smell that wasn’t something I wanted to stick in my vag. I aired both of them out and then put them through the dishwasher to sanitize them. Jackhammer Jesus’ smell nearly went away but God still stunk. I promptly contacted the head of Divine Interventions and he sent me over a new God, assuring me that both he and his partner smelled the toy that I was about to stick in me and this one would be just fine. Well, it wasn’t (the smell and our interactions).

He requested that I send back the defective toy, assuming I was going to pay to ship his defective¬†product back myself. When I discussed it over Twitter with some more experienced sex toy reviewers my feelings some were mutual with mine, that no customer should pay to send back their bad product so I wrote him back and asked him to give me the “call tag” and I’d send it right over. This is what his response was:

I’m a little surprised that you can’t do me the same favor I have done for you in posting the piece back to me.

Well, buddy, it’s not my problem that your toy smelled, so I let him know that as a manufacturer¬†the toy is his responsibility. If it smells or is defective some other way, it is not appropriate to request¬†the customer to¬†pay (much less respond to¬†me as he did).

I mean, come on, man, you don’t have an affiliate program. I was going to gain nothing out of this review except the potential bad experience, or good one. He suggested that I am the only one who has ever had this problem. Actually, I wasn’t, but I was the only reviewer not willing to put up with his¬†bad attitude. His response¬†was just as unpleasant as his last email:

I sent you over $100 worth of toys, threw in some lube as well, and mailed toys to you twice.  The idea you posit below that Divine is the only one who benefits from your reviews is disingenuous.  Without toys to review you would not have a toy review business (I assume based on the ads on your site that you make money off of the reviews, not to mention other benefits, financial or otherwise that come with having a toy review site).
Many toy reviewers have reviewed our toys over the years and I have never had an experience with a reviewer like this.
When I reminded him that another reviewer sent back his toy, and¬†paid¬†to give it back to him, she never got the replacement. He demanded her contact information. I told him it was “inappropriate” and “unprofessional” that he request that I give to him someone else’s private contact information.
I’m sorry you see the worst in people,
He said in response. And then followed it up with the name and location of the reviewer to prove to me that he could find them without my help. That’s right, folks, Divine Interventions gave away the name and contact information¬†and country of another reviewer, who’s to say he wouldn’t do this to a customer? I’m not comfortable with that being done to me, it shouldn’t have been done to anyone.
As it is, you haven’t been professional at all with me. As a reviewer, my experience with you and your toy will be going in the review.
I meant to end the conversation there but then he responded,

Oh, [me].  Do what you want.

May this life be good to you.
I¬†am shocked¬†that how unprofessional he was and his lack of ethics.¬†As consumers, we deserve better. I want you consumers to know that if you get a smelly toy, or if it’s defective in any way,¬†it is not your problem.¬†You should never have to pay to return someone else problem. I also want you to be aware of the service you are quite likely to get from this man¬†if you decide to purchase from this company. If you do what I did and request that he pay have me ship it back to him then you will also face harassment, possibly even having your privacy violated in the heat of the moment.

As you can see up there in his last email, he gave me permission to quote him, so do not be alarmed that I have.

The Review: 

I’m going to give you a disclaimer: me disliking both of these toys has nothing to do with the treatment I received from the DI guy, I just really didn’t like these toys in me.

God’s Immaculate Rod stunk, so did Jesus. If you have that smell, do not stick that toy in your body. However, there have been plenty of other reviewers that have not had a problem with the smell. The first thing I do is smell the toy b/c I’ve had bad experiences with jelly toys and I couldn’t figure out why they smelled that way (now I do–jelly is bad, WICKED is good *she nerds out*).

Jackhammer Jesus’ feet hit my urethra going in (mine is located pretty much inside the opening of my vag (that’s actually normal!) so it bumping against my pee hole was really unpleasant. Honestly, I stopped there. It was uncomfortable and and I had no desire to continue stuffing him in me. The only perk about the Lord was that he was glow-in-the-dark (pretty fun to play with!).

As for God’s Rod, the weird bumps on the head literally felt like it was scraping my vaginal wall. It gave me the fucking weirdest sensation. Turning it the other way gave me the same feeling; plus, turned around meant that it wasn’t stimulating my g-spot.

I think they’re more appropriate for decoration, something to be put on the wall in front of doors, declaring this to be a sacred place of dildo worship. I did choose what I thought to be the weirdest of his bunch because I wanted to include them in my series, I now wish I had been more careful.

My recommendation? This company¬†is not worth supporting. He doesn’t care about reviewers or customers, as he noted, he’s more concerned about money and is incredibly unprofessional. To top it off, this guy gave out that bloggers personal information to me–can you trust him not to do the same with yours?