Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder and Me

HYPOACTIVE SEXUAL DESIRE DISORDER

 

The other day I forced myself to masturbate.

It was one of the most uncomfortable nights I’ve had as a sex toy reviewer. We all know by now that my meds left me with NO libido. I usually masturbate just enough to get good notes for the toys and then stop, but this time was different. This time I was super unhappy with myself. It felt wrong, it felt like I wasn’t okay with what I was doing and I was pissed off that I felt like I had to because of there are so many toys to be fucking.

I mentioned in a previous post: “Being a Sex Toy Reviewer with Anorgasmia” and in the review of the toy that Lovehoney sent me, the one that made me realize that I can masturbate without coming and love it, that sometimes I can’t reach orgasms and I was calling what I have “flare-ups” of anorgasmia–which is totes legit at times–but the following term describes EXACTLY what is happening to me. You ready? Here it is:

Hypoactive sexual desire disorder

( Bleh.)

One of the causes behind HSSD can be medication. Uh, which medication? I’m on 7 regular meds that I take three times a day for a total of 11 pills each day, and then a handful of “as needed” medications to deal with my migraines’, anxiety, and psychosis (if I feel myself slipping). I’m heavily drugged because, with my bipolar and psychosis, OCD features, I need to be. I can’t live a normal life without them so I have to learn to live a healthy life with my meds. All of them. 

Yes, mom, I am still single

I’ve been putting off dating because I don’t have any interest in sex. Of course, it’s possible to be in a relationship with someone and not have sex but I don’t want to do that to them. I also don’t want to feel pressured to have sex; even if they don’t pressure me verbally, or emotionally for that matter, I’ll be pressuring myself and that’s not okay. So, I’ve found that it’s better not to date. However, my whole freakin’ family has been asking me why I’m single and why I’m not actively dating. It’s getting a little old. I know, according to them and, you know, society, I really should be dating, but I don’t want to because I don’t want this to become someone else’s problem.

I’m going to make a date night and seduce myself and my lovely Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder

I was talking to some other bloggers and they suggested that I plan ahead; that I make a night to masturbate. I think that’s a lovely idea. I’m going to plan ahead and get myself in the mood first. There will be candles and towels; maybe incense and plenty of music since some of these toys are not “whisper quiet.” I’m going to start out by reading and then I’m going to watch my favorite TV show and have some fun with it.

I want to give @Tantus a huge shout out for being so supportive of my sexual health because I realized today that me not having a sex drive is part of my sexuality, too, I just need to care for myself properly.

I did go ahead and change my review policy and disclosure so that everyone is aware of my needs, because I don’t want Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder to come in between me and my blog, like it has been for months. At least this way I have a plan and everyone knows of it.

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 I’ll try to publish as often as I can. I have pages and pages of notes from when I was able to make myself jack off, so I will be able to publish frequently–for a while. I value my readers, my blog, and the people that send me toys and I want to please everyone but I have to start with myself and learn to deal with Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder in a healthy way. Don’t worry, you’ll still get all the juicy details, it just may take some time for those to come around.