Ow, Take that Out!
I went through serious withdraw from Good Vibes when the affiliate manager went away on vacation to a sex convention I could never afford to attend. However, when I received the Boss in the mail from Fun Factory I panicked; did someone get my address? I didn’t know who had sent this to me. I did some digging with Fun Factory and I discovered that it was actually Good Vibes who surprised me with this awesome dildo: a revelation I was very happy with. If you are so inclined to surprise me, you may do so from my wish list on my Twitter profile. (I won’t complain about that *hint hint* *poke poke*)
Let me just start out by saying, “Ow.” It’s not like this is an “ow, that’s big!” it’s a “Fuck-fuckity fuck-fuck-ow-who-made-this?!” Was this tested on humans at all? I cannot imagine a way to make this pleasurable.” Let’s start with “The Good” because I’m going to give this little guy (well, not that little) a chance to shine, even though he didn’t in my vagina.
Flared base means that it’s not only anal-safe but you can also use it in a harness, too! I was debating whether or not to mention this as “all-right” issue or a “The Bad” but it isn’t a negative at all. Just know that I wasn’t able to feel the veins near the base of the penis, probably because the whole toy didn’t fit in me; it came with the territory–the territory being my unaroused body–med-induced anorgasmia happens to sex toy reviewers too. I would have been much happier that the texture existed if I could have felt the veins. That’s neither here nor there, though. My vagina could not accommodate the entire toy but yours may be able to do a more impressive job than my body did.
Yet another good thing: G-spot stimulation to the max, bro. While I didn’t take the pointy part of the head out of my vagina while I thrusted I did it very deep, considering the length of the toy. I quickly learned that it wasn’t a problem, I could, quite easily, thrust and always hit the back wall of my vagina. The toy was about 3-4 inches too long for me which means it could be 3-4 inches just right for you. Because the bottom of the head of the toy was too pointy, it wouldn’t come out without a crunch even if I wanted to (and I didn’t).
The Boss is the perfect toy for rocking and clenching for ultimate g-spot stimulation. With some strong PC muscles doing their fine thang I quickly realized that hands were not necessary in order to feel pleasure. In fact, even without my hand the toy lodged itself into me and was able to remain vertical to my bed. This is a toy that I want to look into sticking it to the wall with the GV suction cup, if I wanted to endure the crunching sensation I’m about to tell you about:
Rather than the popping sensation I get with a ribbed dildo, I got—I fuck you not—a crunching noise. In order to avoid that horrible sensation again I decided that this was not a thrusting toy for me. But, me being me, I was curious. So I started thrusting without moving it too much and I was hit with a wonderful feeling: my g-spot was being stimulated and it was magical. The feeling was entirely different from the super-fucking-awesome g-spot stimulation I got from the toy that made me realize that anorgasmia didn’t have to ruin my sex life. It should also be stressed that Fun Factory toys are always a high quality and expertly made and Good Vibrations carries quality toys. The boss delivered a more severe feeling than the comfiness of the Lovehoney G-Spot dildo; more pin-pointed than the lovely pink one. This last paragraph was both “The Good” and “The Bad” for the apparent reasons; I will now move onto the cons.
Holy fuckin’ shit, you guys, I could feel the bump of the head rub against my urethral opening (which is incredibly sensitive to most but in a sucky way for me). That is one of the worst feelings in the world. Ever since I read Bonk: The Curious coupling of Science and Sex, I’ve been horrified of touching my urethra (i.e. the story about the husband sticking his dick in her urethra) and I want nothing to do with this. Unfortunately, I was without a choice on the matter. I promised to review this toy and so I shall! Fun Factory rocks, and so does Good Vibrations, who sent me this toy, so I’m bummed to report that this toy did not work with my anatomy.
I don’t understand why the bottom of the head needs to be so sharp. From what I remember about the penises that have been mine, the frenulum was not this sharp. I use the each toy several times before I write a review but I could not use this toy any more than the painful two times I tested it. The base of the toy is very flimsy, which makes me wonder how well it holds in a harness.
But it’s not all bad; however, the cons outweighed the pros for me. I just can’t get over the crunching sensation. It’s a sensation I should never feel coming through my vagina. Unfortunately, I have experienced this sensation once before, and it was incredibly unpleasant. However, there’s a HUGE difference between the Boss and that The-Toy-Company-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named: I had a truly terrible experience with the latter, and don’t be surprised if you do, too. With the Boss sent to me by Fun Factory from GV I had a lovely experience, as I always do with Andy. Fun Factory sorted out the mystery ASAP, more quickly than I expected them to, and Good Vibrations, once again, provided me with a high quality toy.
The deal with Fun Factory is that I fucking love some of their stuff; I give them much credit for producing quality sex toys. I love the Stronic Eins and, though the Flora was underwhelming, it’d be good for people experimenting with insertable toys. Vibrations? Not so much. Fortunetly, the Boss has no vibrations, something that I was very happy about, lest I write another dissapointing review; however, is not for the shy of vagina’s and/or assholes. That monster is not getting past my anal sphincter no matter how curious I am.
And, almost finally, I’d like to offer you the boring stuff that you can find on Good Vibration’s site:
It is a pure-silicone dildo by a reputable manufacture, Fun Factory, and carried by my favorite sex shop, Good Vibrations. Because it’s silicone it’s body-safe and can be washed with soap and water, sterilized by boiling, or thrown in the dishwasher. Easy-peasy, all the way through, and in and out (see what I did there?).
- Vanilla, Black, or Pink Silicone
- Flexible, velvety soft surface
- Anal-safe curved head is great for G-spot & prostate stimulation
- 7″ long x 1 7/10″ diameter at widest point
All the cons being said, there will be people who this toy is perfect for: Someone who is more experienced with a larger, more texture-y dildo, and someone who can receive urethral stimulation unlike with me; someone who super-duper freakin’ loves g-spot or p-spot stimulation. The lip of the head is incredibly pronounced which leads to intense g-spotting sensations, something I did enjoy but it didn’t make the cons outweigh the pros for my body.
Thank you, Good Vibes, for sending me the Boss by Fun Factory. Though it wasn’t complete pleasure for me, I don’t doubt that it will be for someone else. 😉