REVIEW: TONGUETACLE by PRIMAL HARDWERE

On Her Back presents another installment of “Unusual Sex Toys” Featuring:

BrutustongueThe Hentai Tonguetacle by Primal Hardwere

Ready for a new kind of oral experience?
Now you can lick all the parts of yourself you could never reach! (Brutus tends to fall off the couch when he does it) Inspired by those hentai movies we all love, and here for your enjoyment is our 3′ (91cm) tongue, complete with sub-lingual veins and light bumpy texture! Imagine the warm soft silky feeling of a tongue wrapped around your member, or gliding along your clit! How about a French kiss that could make an aardvark blush?

OH MY GOD MY VAGINA IS A MOUTH. With a mother-fucking giant tongue. My tongue is able to lick the fuck out of your pussy, dick, ear or mouth.

I don’t have a Hentai fetish and I have no interest in being wrapped with a three foot silicone tongue, however, I know many people do so when Primal Hardwere offered me the tongue I accepted because different things work for different people.

Because of its odd nature I wasn’t able to fuck it or get sexual pleasure from it, but that’s because Hentai is not my kink (if it’s yours, more power to you! Get this toy). However, it’s super fucking fun to play with. When I came home swinging my tongue around, slapping my roommates around with it my sister’s boyfriend took it and tied her up with this, which was pretty darn awesome. Because it’s a giant tongue the bonds didn’t hold but I would imagine he found it pretty hot, judging by the blush on his face.

After an unfortunate experience with smelly toys I was very, very pleased to discover that not only does the tongue not stink, it actually smells good. Good as in I couldn’t stop sniffing it in the car when I was on my way home. It had to go back into my sex toy box because I couldn’t have it laying around because, you know, the wtf factor. I found myself taking it out a few times a day to sniff it before that wonderful smell went away. So far, weeks later, the yummy smell is still there.

I can’t really do a “pros” and “cons” with this review, mostly because this is very subjective toy and it’s not my kink, but, from what I’ve seen on the internet, this is a kink shared by many. I can tell you why this toy is worth buying and only one reason why it wouldn’t be for only some people.

It’s incredibly detailed, with the bumpiness of the top of one’s tongue and a large veintonguetacle2 running along the length of the bottom of the tongue (look in the mirror and try to touch your tongue to your nose to see what I’m talking about). The silicone is matte, which is pretty cool (I just reviewed the Zombie dildo which was very shiny and fitting for a toy that resembles the rotting dick of the undead) and soft. It’s comfy. If you want to snuggle up with a sex toy, this is the one you want!

While this toy didn’t appeal to me sexually, it will for many people, I’m sure. Regardless, I had a whole lot of fun with this toy slapping butts, tying people up, swinging it around and pretending my vagina is a monster with a giant tongue. For me, I wouldn’t pay $129 for it but for someone whose into Hentai this toy is well worth it. When I spoke to the people at Primal Hardwere I asked them why the price was higher than their other toys. My guess was that it was the volume of the silicone used and that was confirmed. However, I mean, come on, man, that’s pretty darn inexpensive for a toy with that much silicone and it’s not much higher than the prices of their other toys. This is a very good deal–where else are you going to get a soft, silicone, 3′ long tongue? (Very few places, I’d imagine.) If you’re familiar with Bad Dragon’s toys, this toy is softer than Scorn, the Bad Dragon toy I got in “soft.”

Finally, I’d like to address le boring stuff:

  • Total length: 39″ (99cm)
  • Usable length:36″ (91cm)
  • Width at tip: 1.5″ (4cm)
  • Width toward base: 2″ (5cm)
  • Tip circumference: 4″ (10cm)
  • Base circumference: 6″ (15cm)

Wasn’t that boring (but very informative)?

TL;DR?

This is a fun toy, it’s a bit pricey for a gag gift but well worth the monies for those into Hentai! It has many fun uses including transforming your boring vagina into a monster mouth with a giant tongue and slapping people on the ass with it. It also has the amazing ability to transform itself into bondage material that is hot as hell.

You can get it at Primal Hardwere by clicking on the banner below.

primal hardwere

22 thoughts on “REVIEW: TONGUETACLE by PRIMAL HARDWERE

  1. I love your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you create this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you?
    Plz reply as I’m looking to create my own blog and
    would like to know where u got this from. many thanks

    • Honestly, it probably wouldn’t. While it is soft silicone, there’s so damn much of it that the vibes will get lost early on if you press a vibe along the base.

  2. Yeah, Saw that after poking around there sight. Someone should totally make a comic based off that photo; Say make it from the incubus Demon lore & have it cursed to only have access to monster forms. Rather then looking pretty to lure victims away. Make it a challenge for the character to achieve what it want’s. lol

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