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Wow. So, turns out 1 7/8” is actually pretty girthy. I decided to go to Good Vibrations (the folks who sent me this beauty in exchange for an honest review) to touch the Captain to see what I was getting into. Oh boy. After not having had sex with a real penis for over a year (all my toys are smaller), my vagina was totally unprepared for the girth that was the Captain. I received two toys from GV so before using the Captain I warmed up with Bullseye. Clearly, I didn’t spend enough time preparing my vagina to accommodate such a large toy. At 7 1/2” by 1 7/8” the Captain is certainly not a monster but he is still a considerable addition to le vagina. I had him in a striking “coffee” color, my first realistic dildo that wasn’t white (suddenly I like coffee, and I’m a tea person).

Putting him in me felt like I was stretching out my vag for a freaking head to come through. It hurt! But fear not, O Reader. The Captain, once in me, was glorious. I felt filled up to the brim (my vagina overflow-eth?) and as long as I didn’t thrust everything felt, well, good. A s I became more aroused I discovered that it still wasn’t comfortable to thrust but shoving him in a few inches, leaving him there and hitting the flared base (can you say “anal”?) as my fingers worked my clit felt quite nice. It was a feeling I’d never felt before, never having had a penis or a toy as big as the Captain in me and I loved it. As soon as he was in the pain went away (use lots of lube!) he and I became one and it felt right. With each (gentle!) thump on the base I squeezed and felt his whole girth. It’s important to note that because he’s pure silicone, and quite stiff, he’s going to feel a lot bigger than just 1 7/8”. Silicone is body safe which means this toy is pleasantly free of phthalates and other toxins that can be found in the unregulated sex toy industry.photo2 

Care and keeping instructions are pretty simple. Because he’s silicone, he’s not porous so you can store the Captain alongside other toys and not worry about other colors soaking into the toy. The Captain can simply be washed with soap and water or boiled to be sanitized (don’t let him touch the sides!) or even thrown in the dishwasher.

If I’ve learned nothing else from bloggers it’s that a size queen can be made so I’ll continue to become accustomed to the Captain in my spare time. Size queens who already wear the crown will love this toy. To the women out there not currently boasting the crown, like me, someone with a tight vag who hasn’t had anything substantial in her for quite some time, you will be pleasantly surprised by the length and girth of this toy. It’s not impossible to fit the Captain in oneself, you just have to be dedicated. I’m very happy I got this toy, I now know how much I can handle and I am no longer afraid. It just takes patience, deep breathing and a lot of lube. 

And, yes, I referred to this toy as a “he”. Don’t ask me why, that’s just how I did it in the first draft and it seemed fitting.

You can pick up your own Captain, in any of the four realistic colors, right here.