Hey peeps,

You may have noticed that I took my site down. After a two-and-a-half month fling with my 53-year-old neighbor and my 26-year-old self I found out that I was experiencing sexual assault as I slept by the man I chose to trust.

“Why didn’t I wake up to the sexual assault?” was the question that was asked every time I told someone what happened to me. Here’s the deal: I’m on a shitton of psych meds that are incredibly sedating, something my neighbor knew . He also knew that I sleep walk and that I sleep so soundly nothing can wake me up.

This is a complicated matter, given that I have what I call a “hint of a memory.” I would wake up every morning and ask him if we fucked. He’d say yes, and that I enjoyed it. My response would be: I don’t remember that.

When he told me over text what he’d been doing to me when I couldn’t consent, and I started to panic, he said that although I was “in a deep sleep” I nevertheless “participated and enjoyed it.”

I reported him to the police the day he tried to force his way into my house, saying that he needed to discuss something very important with me, though I kept telling him to leave me alone. After a pre-text phone call, where he didn’t admit what he did was wrong, I asked the sex detective not to report this to the district attorney. He repeated over and over again that what he did was wrong, because he was cheating on his girlfriend with me. Then he dropped a bombshell: he was convinced he had goonorrhea  and that I gave it to him. Because he was a dr, he gave himself the treatment, but harassed me to find out if he needed to get his girlfriend tested since he never tested himself.

To protect myself, I went up against him and his lawyer with my mom by my side, and I won a no-contact restraining order.

Not only was I not blogging because of this mess, I was told that it was possible he would use this blog against me. So, I took it down.

I’ve been blogging for four years and it’s been one of the best things to happen to me, so taking my blog down hurt. Now that I have the RO I’m putting my site back up because I won’t let him take this from me, like he took my body and my dignity. I’m back but it may not be regularly.

He’s not going to win. I’m not going to press charges, but I’m not going to let him control my life.

It’s goods good to be back, peeps. I’ve amassed quite the collection of toys for review while I’ve been gone so while I neaten up my blargh, I’ll be posting reviews for yew all 🙂

Happy fucking <3


They come in peace–says the Alien dildo exploring my vagina.

Should I believe them? I’m inclined to. The Alien by Fleshlight is a crazy cool toy. You all know me–I can’t pass up a weird-ass dildo, especially from the Freaks line by Fleshlight. I’ve reviewed the Zombie dick (Swoon), the Dracula dildo, and now the Alien. The line is almost complete, and I am determined to finish this line of awesome-possum toys. This review will focus a lot on the make of the toy rather than how the toy feels because that mother fucker is thick

Looking at the Alien on Fleshlight’s site I didn’t see how big it was. That thing has some girth. As you know by now, my eyes are bigger than my vagina and that can sometimes be a problem. In this case, it was a problem but it was entirely my fault and had nothing to do with the make of the toy.

The “woot!” of the Alien Dildo

  • The color. OMG the color is beautiful. This dildo is a shade I’ve never seen before. The Alien Dildo is a nice break from the traditional pink toys that dominate the sex toy industry.
  • The size is going to go in both the “Woot!” and the “Eh…” section. The Alien Dildo may please size queens but it was too painful for me to love it.
  • The Zombie is the most textured toy I own but the Alien Dildo is textured enough to please those of you that like texture.
  • It’s easy to thrust with, being that it has such big balls.
  • Like the Dracula Dildo it has bumps where hair would naturally be which can be cool…

The “eh” of the Alien Dildo

  • It’s not tapered well enough for it to go comfortably in me. It’s a bit of a surprise when I tried to insert it. I couldn’t just ram it in and get going. However, once it was in, it was in.
  • It’s quite large, too large to fit in me comfortably.

Who would like the Alien Dildo toy?

Don’t think the Alien Dildo is right for you?

Would I recommend the Alien Dildo?

I’m Taking a Sex Toy Sabbatical

You’ve probably noticed that I haven’t been very active on this blog. Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder has gotten in the way of me reviewing regularly. It’s a persistant challenge; a challenge that is hindering my blog because I blog so infrequently. I’ve been forcing sex toys on my body because I feel that I have obligations to do so, and that’s just not working.

So, I’ve decided to announce that I am taking a break. Or, rather, I want you to know that I won’t be as present a figure for an undetermined amount of time. I’m not abandoning my blog, I still treasure it and value my readers and the working relationships I have with the companies and manufacturers; I just feel like the respectful thing to do is to let you know that I’ll at a distance, but I will be back.

It’s like taking a sabbatical. I’m working on my body and my sexuality to better myself and, likewise, to better my blog and my commitment to you. And, like a sabbatical, I do have of plenty of my research. I have an entire bookcase of sex+ books as well as a notebook and random papers of notes for my active review products. I’m planning on reviewing at least once every month, which is very infrequent, I know, but it’s doable. 

I hope you all understand, it’s no slight on you, and I want to assure you that I’m not taking being a reviewer for granted. Right now I just have to do what is best for my body and that’s to let my body decide how and when it wants to come.



Once again, Tantus hits the spot The Tantus Uncut #2 is an uncircumcised dildo, one of the first of it’s kind (Bad Dragon also has uncircumcised dildos, though they are fantasy dildos). It’s another dual-density toy of theirs, the Adam O2 … Continue reading



Tantus sent me the Flurry O2… I’d heard so much about Tantus when I first started reviewing. Since then, I’ve had the (literal) pleasure of reviewing many toys for them (like the Adam O2, Perfect Plug Kit, Purr, Vamp, Little Flirt) … Continue reading