You may have noticed that I took my site down. After a two-and-a-half month fling with my 53-year-old neighbor and my 26-year-old self I found out that I was experiencing sexual assault as I slept by the man I chose to trust.
“Why didn’t I wake up to the sexual assault?” was the question that was asked every time I told someone what happened to me. Here’s the deal: I’m on a shitton of psych meds that are incredibly sedating, something my neighbor knew . He also knew that I sleep walk and that I sleep so soundly nothing can wake me up.
This is a complicated matter, given that I have what I call a “hint of a memory.” I would wake up every morning and ask him if we fucked. He’d say yes, and that I enjoyed it. My response would be: I don’t remember that.
When he told me over text what he’d been doing to me when I couldn’t consent, and I started to panic, he said that although I was “in a deep sleep” I nevertheless “participated and enjoyed it.”
I reported him to the police the day he tried to force his way into my house, saying that he needed to discuss something very important with me, though I kept telling him to leave me alone. After a pre-text phone call, where he didn’t admit what he did was wrong, I asked the sex detective not to report this to the district attorney. He repeated over and over again that what he did was wrong, because he was cheating on his girlfriend with me. Then he dropped a bombshell: he was convinced he had goonorrhea and that I gave it to him. Because he was a dr, he gave himself the treatment, but harassed me to find out if he needed to get his girlfriend tested since he never tested himself.
To protect myself, I went up against him and his lawyer with my mom by my side, and I won a no-contact restraining order.
Not only was I not blogging because of this mess, I was told that it was possible he would use this blog against me. So, I took it down.
I’ve been blogging for four years and it’s been one of the best things to happen to me, so taking my blog down hurt. Now that I have the RO I’m putting my site back up because I won’t let him take this from me, like he took my body and my dignity. I’m back but it may not be regularly.
He’s not going to win. I’m not going to press charges, but I’m not going to let him control my life.
It’s goods good to be back, peeps. I’ve amassed quite the collection of toys for review while I’ve been gone so while I neaten up my blargh, I’ll be posting reviews for yew all 🙂
Happy fucking <3